by Frank Holmes, reporter
Monica Lewsinky has revealed for the first time that her emotional roller coaster of an affair with President Bill Clinton left her so emotionally drained and “destroyed” that she thought seriously about killing herself.
Lewinsky became infamous for having an affair with President Clinton while she was a 22-year-old White House intern — and the president’s screaming and shouting inflicted an enormous psychological toll on her.
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The president manipulated her emotions—being sweet when he wanted sex, cold when he didn’t want to see her, and red-hot angry when she acted like she had a mind of her own.
They had a passionate affair before Clinton “banished” her to a job in the Pentagon… and quit returning her messages.
“I had naively invested in his promise,” Lewinsky remembers. “I felt so deflated and so desperate.”
“I just broke emotionally,” she says.
But when Lewinsky wrote a letter saying that she’d eventually have to tell her parents about their affair, Bill Clinton broke out in a red-faced fury.
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When they met in person on July 4, Bill took it all out on Monica.
“He was angry,” says Lewinsky. “We were in the back study and he started yelling at me, like ‘It is illegal to threaten the president of the United States of America!’”
“He was so angry. And I started to cry,” says Lewinsky. Now 45, she says she’s still hurt by the president who she thought really loved her.
“I never threatened to go public. I threatened to tell my parents,” she explains, saying they would be confused why she was leaving such a good paying job.
Monica makes the heart-wrenching admission that Bill’s constant emotional cat-and-mouse destroyed her emotionally.
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“It was a roller coaster of a relationship [that] led to a slow emotional unraveling on my part,” she said.
And one day, she thought about ending it all.
When the FBI closed in, they took her to a hotel room to await questioning.
“There was a point for me… where I would be hysterically crying and then I would just shut down,” Lewinsky said. “And in the shut-down period, I remember looking out the window and thinking that the only way to fix this was to kill myself.”
The blockbuster revelations come as part of a new six part docu-series called “The Clinton Affair” on A&E.
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“I was scared,” Lewinsky says still reliving the trauma more than 20 years later. “I was mortified and afraid of what this was going to do to my family.”
“And I still was in love with Bill at the time,” she says. “So I felt really responsible.”
She loved him, but Bill looked out for number one.
He denied having an affair, lied to the American public on TV, and then lied under oath.
At the time, feminists considered Clinton a hero and a suave, good-looking lover.
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But Monica wrote that her relationship with him was “a living hell” in an essay for Vanity Fair in February.
After the affair, the public shaming by the mainstream media that rushed to defend Bill, and her “lover” publicly denying he ever had anything to do with her, Lewinsky was diagnosed with PTSD.
Since growing up and maturing, Lewinsky has started to look back on her affair with the president in a much different light — seeing Bill for the adulterous liar he was.
During the height of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, she tweeted “#MeToo.”
She wrote that Bill Clinton’s decision to use her sexually wasn’t illegal, but it still “constituted a gross abuse of power.”
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Meanwhile, Bill has never apologized for taking advantage of her and ruining her life, neither publicly nor privately.
This summer, when he was asked about his indiscretions with an intern, he fumbled and refused to admit any further wrongdoing.
He’s still looking out for Bill, and Monica still has to live with the shame.
One word of advice for her: She might want to clear up that she isn’t thinking about suicide anymore. The Clintons’ opponents have been known to commit “suicide” at an awfully high rate.
— Frank Holmes is a reporter for The Horn News. He is a veteran journalist and an outspoken conservative that talks about the news that was in his weekly article, “On The Holmes Front.”